Words to Thought

2006-11-18T05:10:00.000-08:00

What the hell was I thinking ?

I can change the way the world works by scribbling some shit on a page on some corner of the web. I can feel better about myself by expressing myself in a public forum.

Bull shit. The hopelessness of the situation is so pathetic in it's transparency that i totally missed it earlier on.

My contribution to the blogging community is over, atleast in this incarnation.

My blog, my friend - rest in peace.

2006-11-14T06:15:00.000-08:00

The way you feel is the way you live.

I think i'll start posting a touch more often.

2006-10-25T04:27:00.000-07:00

...... darkness spreads
silence prevails ......

2006-09-27T22:35:00.000-07:00

Everyone's cursed - it's called LIFE

2006-09-19T04:04:00.000-07:00

What if the dawn of a new day always meant the start of a new life ?

What if all your questions had just one answer ?
What if you knew the answers to all your questions ?
What if all the answers were again questions ?
Why does a question always require an answer ?
Is the answer only important when asked the right question ?
Why does one question ?
Why can't one just accept and submit ?
"The aim of life is self developement" - Oscar Wilde. What did he mean ?
Does not having an answer cost more than not asking the question ?
What is more important - to have an answer or to know that it's ok to question ?

What if every dream in the night always became reality during the day ?
What if all that you felt was a mere illusion ?
What if everything you have come to believe as real is actually only an illusion ?
What is an illusion ?
How is it different from a fragment of your imagination ?
How is imagination different from a dream ?

How does one define one's existence ?
How can one substantiate one's existence ?
Would the world be any bit different if you did not exist in it ?
Does your existence really matter ?
How is presence any different from existence ?
Does form have any influence over your existence ?
How does one relate substance to form ?

Do i really want the answers to all those questions ?
Does it really matter ?

2006-09-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

Thievery Corporation - "The Time We Lost Our Way"

My mind is full bursting over
With all this things I can't remember
Every little single memory reminds me of you
My eyes were weary with all this tears
You left your shadow in my dreams
All my doubts seem to disappear when you came along
Flowers melting up into the sky
Hear my heart where our love colides
We hear the songs we found in the times we lost our way
From without words cannot describe
What caused the stars to fall deep inside?
Every little memory reminds me of you
Our days are gone lost forever
Reflecting light glistening under water
Naturally this could be everything that seems so unreal
Flowers melting up into the sky
Hear my heart where our love colides
We hear the songs we found in the time we lost our way
Gentle memories replace our tears
All love we had is still right here
We hear the songs we found in the time we lost our way…

2006-09-12T11:40:00.001-07:00

Conversation:

1. A spoken exchange of thoughts, opinions, and feelings; talk
2. An informal discussion of a matter or an issue by representatives of governments, institutions, or organizations
3. A real-time interaction with a computer

Is this supposed to work when the exchange is unilateral, bilateral or both ? I've been involved in situations where the exchange has been both unilateral and bilateral. It is my personal experience that leads me to question the veracity of that definition.

What if an exchange is unilateral or bilateral out of compulsion rather than by choice ? If its out of compulsion, obviously one of the parties involved in the conversation is an involuntary participant. In that case, no longer does it remain a conversation. It's a blatant waste of time.

Conversation is an art. It needs to be cajoled and handled with precise care.

No wonder i'm not good at it.

2006-08-26T06:54:00.001-07:00

To step back, and take an objective view of the holistic situation gives rises to a plethora of thoughts and ideas, each of them unique. In a manner, that cannot be rationaly explained. The insipid nature of some makes for stark contrast with the rest which epitomize passion, an insuppressible urge to make a difference.

Which makes way for interesting conversation.

Ideas are meaningless without expression. The nature of an idea determines the relative importance between expression and communication. The medium of expression for an idea meant to be addressed to a mass audience merits attention. On the contrary, the expression of an idea that does not serve a greater cause is fairly insulated from the medium through which it is expressed.

Now, to what i really wanted to write about.

Inspite of much deliberation, i have only managed to reach a rather insecure conclusion on medium of expression.

Art is a form of expression. The definition of art is very subjective. The word "art" has been very loosely used in various contexts which, over time, has corrupted the original significance of the word. The etymology of the word suggests its latin origins which roughly translates to "skill" and "craft". The Indo-European origins of the word points to "arrangement" or "to arrange".

But the most acceptable definition of art i could find was: (slightly modified from its original form)

Art is anything that agents add to their 'output' which is not functionally necessary and is other than the default properties of that output.

A person adds a certain unique flavour to anything he/she does. An aesthetic addition which is not a functional requirement. In this flavour we find the distinction one can bring to any existing form. Subtle, yet undeniable in its existence.

It is this expression, which when similarly interpreted by a larger section of society becomes profound communication.

2006-08-26T06:41:00.000-07:00

Massive Attack - "Dissolved Girl"

Shame, such a shame
I think I kind of lost myself again
Day, yesterday
Really should be leaving but I stay

Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came

'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go

Feels like something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more

Fade, made to fade
Passion's overrated anyway
Say, say my name
I need a little love to ease the pain
I need a little love to ease the pain
It's easy to remember when it came

'Cause it feels like I've been
I've been here before
You are not my savior
But I still don't go, oh

I feel live something
That I've done before
I could fake it
But I still want more, oh.

2006-08-26T06:22:00.000-07:00

!:30 a.m, 25th august 2006

I find myself laughing, at myself. I had just finished watching Kabhi Alvidha Na Keha Na, "KANK" - as some of the more intellectually challenged prefer to call it. I had sunk to new lows. Feels like i've been covered by an invisible veil of utter shame.

I had wasted three and half hours of my life watching the handiwork of two men who's sexual preference is clearly homo.

Bollywood in all it's glory.

2006-08-11T01:51:00.000-07:00

Is maturity a function of only physical development ? I'd like to think not. Webster says,

mature adj. -turer -turest
1. a. Having reached full natural growth or development: a mature cell. b. Fully developed; ripe: a mature cheese.
2. Of, pertaining to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical: mature for her age.

Full development and full natural growth are a touch too abstract to derive a meaningful conclusion. Maturity is a level of evolution which should commensurate the time line on which its measured. I realise evolution may not be the right word for what i'm trying to convey here. But then, metaphysically I think a person is capable of evolving in one lifetime. I'll write more on that some other time when my mood is right.

Coming back to our original topic, a 20 year old cant complain that a 3 year old behaves like a kid that he/she is. Doesnt make sense if that happens right. Infact, thats a good thing. It kinda shows that things are normal, as we understand the meaning of normalcy. It would be wrong to expect too much when its not really a possibility. It would be even more wrong to get judgemental based on those misplaced expectations. On the contrary, I dont see anything wrong in admonishing a 20 year old for not acting like one. In common parlance - juvenile.

There must be some small print in webster which i missed. Under what condition is the above given definition valid. Again, i'd expect to hear the answer as "normal". Under the blanket definition of "normal", i guess even exposure to the real world on a daily basis is included.

Which brings me to what i really wanted to write about. Normal has a fairly unilateral meaning. Anything typical, which conforms to a known standard is normal. Typical of what, what standard. Do all sections of society have the same standards ? Obviously not. A boy born in a slum understands normal as living in a hut, probably disease infected neighbourhood, bordering on , if not, buried in poverty. A boy born in an affluent household knows normal as a healthy life, good education, a secure livelihood.

As these boys live through their respective maturity cycles, how can they finish at the same point knowing that they started so wide apart and grew along totally differernt lines. A far more simplified example would be, would you expect a dangerously under nourished child born in Sudan or some god forsaken place to have the same level of "development" as a child born at the same time in any first world country. What is normal in one world is daily news to the other.

So, i'll retract my previous definiton of maturity being a function of the level of evolution with respect to the point in time when it's measured. Maturity will probably be, the extent of evolution measured with respect to that point in time, keeping in context the conditions that prevail in the external environment.

I dont really care if people agree with this or not, this is my blog and I write what I want.

2006-08-05T04:12:00.000-07:00

I'm trying to be intrepid when i write this.

My spirit bows in sorrow. There is that familiar sinking feeling. I wish I can melt away into a state of apparent tranquility. Apparent will do. I've stopped thinking in terms of actuals. I'm being introduced to the true depth of my demons. I'm not surprised. I was always aware. Now i'm facing what I always knew.

Time doesn't heal, contrary to common perception. The mind is fragile. The mind can take an extraordinary amount of abuse. But, at any point in time, the mind is consumed by the most recent act of idiocy. Time is for escapists. The absence of omnipresence is the reason for my survival. For how long ?

My past is catching up fast with my present. Should be interesting to see what happens when they come together.

2006-08-04T04:19:00.000-07:00

Profound piece of literature written. Taking the first two lines out of context, they can mean so many things.

William Shakespeare- All the world's a stage (from As You Like It 2/7)

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages. At first the infant,
Mewling and puking in the nurse's arms.
And then the whining school-boy, with his satchel
And shining morning face, creeping like snail
Unwillingly to school. And then the lover,
Sighing like furnace, with a woeful ballad
Made to his mistress' eyebrow. Then a soldier,
Full of strange oaths and bearded like the pard,
Jealous in honour, sudden and quick in quarrel,
Seeking the bubble reputation
Even in the cannon's mouth. And then the justice,
In fair round belly with good capon lined,
With eyes severe and beard of formal cut,
Full of wise saws and modern instances;
And so he plays his part. The sixth age shifts
Into the lean and slipper'd pantaloon,
With spectacles on nose and pouch on side,
His youthful hose, well saved, a world too wide
For his shrunk shank; and his big manly voice,
Turning again toward childish treble, pipes
And whistles in his sound. Last scene of all,
That ends this strange eventful history,
Is second childishness and mere oblivion,
Sans teeth, sans eyes, sans taste, sans everything.

2006-08-04T01:43:00.000-07:00

Two days of almsot non-stop joblessness and what do i have to show for it - nothing. I decide to make amends. I decide to put something up on my blog. I start to type. As usual, not really knowing what i'm going to type. My ability to come up with coherent statements seems to be severly challenged. I stop typing. I try to think. Nothing comes to mind. But, I keep typing. Now I really have nothing to type.

Suddenly, I think, what if i write a book ? Not a bad idea. My one chance to make an impression on this pathetic, miserably misled world. I like the idea. I decide to take it further.

What will be the name of my book ? I wouldn't like to make it sound very profound. It might scare people away from reading it. Atleast the title needs to be appealing. I cant think of a name.
Ahaa. Something clicks in my head. I think, what if I dont name my book ? The title of my book would be - Untitled. Excellent. I like it.

What should I write about ? I consider the broad genre of topcis. Fiction - no. Religion - no. Philosophy - no. Biography - no. Autobiography - Hmm (I think) ... no. I cant think of an appropriate topic. Thats when I decide to create my own topic. Something peculiar, which a majority of whom we call rational people would find irrational. Thats where i decide to leverage my ability to write ad hoc statements. I have the audacity to think i can get away with it.

The next phase. I need to add form, structure and substance. I have no idea what that means. Typed it 'cos it sounds good. Another thought springs in my head. I think, what if I dont write anything in my book ? I try to imagine.

I put myself in the place of a reader entering a book store looking for the latest publication. The reader sees a book named - Untitled. The reader is curious. The reader picks up the book and opens it to see what the book is about. The first page is blank. The reader doesnt think too much of it as most books have a blank first page. The reader flips to the second page. Finds that also to be a blank page. The reader turns to the third, fourth, fifth page - all blank. The reader quickly brushes through the entire book. Finds the entire book to be blank. The reader stops to think. Maybe its a printing error and that copy was placed on the stands by mistake. Puts that copy aside and picks up the next copy. The reader, after the first experience, is quick to realise that even the second copy is all blank. Thats the point where the reader thinks - its a prank. The reader puts the book down, calls the writer (ironically) of the book, namely me, an insane little #$%^@# and leaves.

I come back to reality.

I realise thats exactly what i'm looking for. A book which most rational people would think is irrational.

Ahaa, I'm a genius.

2006-08-03T05:33:00.000-07:00

"How can you write about someone on your blog ?"

I'm asnwering in kind with the person sitting next to me. I'll write about that person. Now, what do I write. So many options, so many anecdotes, so many times, and yet i'm lost. She tries to divert the topic. She tries to avoid the topic. Yet, i type. She talks about the tele serial "Lost". And asks me to stop. Yet i type. I'm tempted to defy. To resist. To quote.

She doesnt want me to type her quotes. She doesnt realise how articulate she truly is. She has an immense capacity ...... I wanted to type something, and she distracted me. Its her fault. She wants me to complete that statement, but i'm going for spontaneity here.

She looks cute. Smug smile, tired look, she looks adorable. Now she doesnt know why i'm typing this. She has no idea. She's probably thinking i'm setting her up for something. Now, Am I, I ask her ? Yes, she says.

Now she waits in anticipation. The smile is back. She tries to hide the smile, but it finds its way to the surface. She stops talking to me. This is where my imagination kicks in. She's given up hope. She now knows i'm an incorrigble $%^@. I type this and she smiles. Now i know its true. She nods emphatically. She says this is more than enough. Is it ? I think not. I've the luxury of time and she has a meeting. She has just under an hour and half before the meeting. She's bored of work. This is her break. She consciously tries not to say anything. She is scared i might use it against her. Against her !!!!! How can I ? I merely quote.

I ask her how to finish this post. She says, "I'm not the person writing". Now the onus is on me to think of something. She waits. I wait too. She smiles. She says "not smiles, laughs". Now i know she wants a more accurate representation. This is where i choose to be more articulate.

She has no clue how to close a post. Actually neither do I. So, what do we do. She wants me to save this as a draft and not publish it, but i decide otherwise. She says, I'm the boss. I say, you're my inspiration. She's probably flattered. On some level. If not, i just wasted 15 mins of everybody's time.

She smiles and I think made my point. She doesnt respond, which makes me wonder. She tries hard not to let the expression on her face change. Stoic faced. but, its not working. I'm still considering how to add some closure to this post. She doesnt help me. She awaits. She says something which is too long to type. Nevertheless, it doesnt solve my problem.

I realise i dont need closure.

2006-07-23T08:06:00.000-07:00

Is not having an answer the same as having more than one answer ??

I guess, for all practical purposes, it puts us back in the same spot.

2006-07-17T08:07:00.000-07:00

"Islands of gold in oceans of misery" - Adam Smith

An entire socio-political system summarised in one line. Also the story of my life.

2006-07-08T06:04:00.000-07:00

For psychadelic fans out there, presenting Pink Floyd:

"Sorrow"

The sweet smell of a great sorrow lies over the land
Plumes of smoke rise and merge into the leaden sky:
A man lies and dreams of green fields and rivers,
But awakes to a morning with no reason for waking
He's haunted by the memory of a lost paradise
In his youth or a dream, he can't be precise
He's chained forever to a world that's departed
It's not enough, it's not enough
His blood has frozen & curdled with fright
His knees have trembled & given way in the night
His hand has weakened at the moment of truth
His step has faltered
One world, one soul
Time pass, the river rolls
And he talks to the river of lost love and dedication
And silent replies that swirl invitation
Flow dark and troubled to an oily sea
A grim intimation of what is to be
There's an unceasing wind that blows through this night
And there's dust in my eyes, that blinds my sight
And silence that speaks so much louder that words,
Of promises broken

2006-07-04T07:56:00.000-07:00

I've expended my time and my words on people who don't really deserve it. Recently realised that i've been doing that for quite sometime now.

I don't have time for people who don't have time for me. Not anymore for sure.

2006-07-02T02:09:00.000-07:00

Interesting .....

2006-07-01T23:44:00.000-07:00

the subtle submergence of silken veneer brings forth the facade, a visage that deceives ...
a venial offense forgiven by the sacrament of confession ...
the cardinal vice that can veer a man's sights ...
the opulent charm of fully blossomed purple ...
i offer my enamored self to your comely virtue ...

wrote that for a friend of mine ... not sure if i used the right words or even if the metaphors mean what i intended them to ... kinda liked it ... putting it here ....

2006-06-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Somebody save me. If you cant, please kill me.

2006-06-17T22:34:00.000-07:00

Before you read on, none of the below mentioned is an effect of me reading or watching "The DaVinci Code". I dont want Dan Brown to get ahead of himself. I personally feel that book is one of the most over rated pieces of fiction ever written.

The 14th century church divides sin into two types:

Venial - forgiven through the sacrament of Confession.
Capital - meriting damnation.

In the later part of the 6th-century A.D., St. Gregory the Great (d. 604) in his work Moralia in Job, introduced the seven deadly sins.

Seven deadly sins. To make it sound more melodramatic, Capital Vices or Cardinal Sins.

Lust (Latin, luxiria) - Depraved thought, unwholesome morality, desire for excitement, or need to be accepted or recognized by others
Gluttony (Latin, gula) - Thoughtless waste of everything, overindulgence, misplaced sensuality, uncleanliness, and maliciously depriving others. Marked by refusal to share and unreasonable consumption of more than is necessary, especially in the case of food or water
Greed (Latin, avaritia) - A strong desire to gain, especially in money or power. Disloyalty, deliberate betrayal, or treason, especially for personal gain or when compensated. Scavenging and hoarding of materials or objects.
Sloth (Latin, acedia) - Apathy, idleness, and wastefulness of time. Laziness is particularly condemned because others must work harder to make up for it. Cowardice or irresponsibility. Abandomment.
Wrath (Latin, ira) - Inappropriate [unrighteous] feelings of hatred and anger. Denial of the truth to others or self. Impatience with the law, or seeking revenge outside of justice. Unnecessary vigilanteism.
Envy (Latin, invidia) - Grieving spite and resentment of material objects, accomplishments, or character traits of others, or wishing others to fail or come to harm.
Pride (Latin, superbia) - Pride is known as the father of all sins. Pride is a desire to be more important or attractive to others, failing to give credit due to others, or excessive love of self.

Since i took the trouble of digging up the seven sins, i thought i might as well go the distance and dig up the seven virtues as well.

The Seven Virtues were derived from the Psychomachia ('Contest of the Soul'), an epic poem written by Aurelius Clemens Prudentius (c. 410) entailing the battle of good virtues and evil vices. The intense popularity of this work in the Middle Ages helped to spread the concept of Holy Virtue throughout Europe. Practicing these virtues is alleged to protect one against temptation from the Seven Deadly Sins, with each one having its counterpart.

The virtues ranked in ascending order of sanctity:

Chastity (Latin, virtus) - opposes lust. Courage and boldness. Embracing of moral wholesomeness and achieving purity of thought through education and betterment.
Abstinence (Latin, frenum) - opposes gluttony. Constant mindfulness of others and one's surroundings; practicing self-control, abstention, and moderation.
Diligence (Latin, industria) - opposes sloth. A zealous and careful nature in one's actions and work. Decisive work ethic.
Liberalty (Latin, liberalitas) - opposes greed. Generosity. Willingness to give. A nobility of thought or actions.
Patience (Latin, patientia) - opposes wrath. Forebearance and endurance through moderation. Resolving conflicts peacefully, as opposed to resorting to violence.
Kindness (Latin, humanitas) - opposes envy. Charity, compassion, friendship, and sympathy without prejudice.
Humility (Latin, humilitas) - opposes pride. Modest behavior, selflessness, and the giving of respect.

Restraint is the keystone of the seven holy virtues. The other holy virtues are created through selfless pursuits:

Valour — Pursuit of Courage and Knowledge
Generosity — Pursuit of Will
Diligence — Pursuit of Ethics
Patience — Pursuit of Peace
Kindness — Pursuit of Charity
Humility — Pursuit of Modesty

Several of these virtues interlink, and various attempts at causal hierarchy have been made. For example, restraint is implied in patience, as well as humility and most of the others. Each sin is a particular way of applying heroic attributes.

Prudentius probably wrote about seven virtues only because St. Gregory came up with the seven sins. This is very much in keeping with the concept of duality.

Its amazing. The complex nature of the schema that was developed in cross referencing each of these attributes.

Why did i type all that ?? 'Cos i got curious. Where does the concept of God fit into any of the above mentioned ??

I believe God is a notion. God is the quintessential human being that our forefathers made out to be. God is an icon that we should aspire to be. Faith is a social norm. The constant propagation of faith has made it conventional wisdom. With time, the true purpose of its creation has been forgotten and has been replaced with malicious undertones.

One should not blindly have faith. One should understand and then believe.

2006-06-17T05:42:00.000-07:00

Joblessnes, the ultimate frontier. It's got me sitting in office on a saturday evening, listening to madonna against the machine and typing this. I'm compelled not to do anything even remotely productive/useful. It's like, on weekends everything takes a break. Including sanity. Its a nice feeling though.

I wish temporary insanity wasn't so temporary. Sometimes i get the feeling what if i can just lose my senses for a while and get it back whenever i wanted it. Too many things happening around me which i dont really want to see or hear, experience at a holistic level.

"Patience is the companion of wisdom" - St. Augustine.

I can feel myself losing my patience at times. When i see stuff that is so blatantly juvenile, i cant seem to take it anymore. All this steroetyped bull shit is getting to me nowadays. It didnt bother me as much earlier, but of late i'm not able to let it go. I'm so sick of the word "cool". Anything that is perceived as cool tends to piss me off.

English. Its just another language. Just 'cos you can speak it better than someone else, does that make you cool. That is so freakin sad. Pretty much any average american can speak relatively better english than an average indian. Does that make the american's "cooler" than us. That is not to say no other country speaks english. Arbitly picked up U.S as an example. But it is the most common of "standards" that we tend to treat as a benchmark.

This guy I know, rather unfortunately, actually said "Ability to speak english determines one's character". That statement was made in public, in front of a reasonably large audience of well educated individuals. Not one of them flinched when he said that. Thats what disgusted me more than the statement itself. If that fool had said, it determines personality there is some element of truth in it and i'd have backed off. But character !!!!. I lost all respect for him after that. I could never bring myself to respect him as a normal human being.

What is "cool" if not a terribly misplaced sense of sophistication ?? Who decides ?? The latest lingo on the latest smash hit TV serial / movie is thought of as cool ?? Have all people decided to take leave of their senses ?? As the saying goes, if common sense is so common, why is it so hard to find ??

I know its easy to misunderstand words if one does not understand the context in which they are used.

Whats arrogance if not the vulgar display of confidence ???
Whats eloquence if not the superfluous use of words ???
Whats class if not a civilised form of vulgar ???
Whats contemporary if not the latest definition of fashion ???

Socially accepted norms and mass hysteria. Are they really that different ?? Norms tend to change. Norms are not rules, hence the flexibility when it comes to breaking them. Lets generalise a bit. Have you noticed how brand conscious the younger generation of guys have become ???. They need to right clothing, the right footwear, the right accessories. Suddenly stuff like Nike, Lee, and Nokia have taken on a whole new meaning. The underlying context in which these terms are used has undergone a complete paradigm shift.

Any change requires some kind of effort to be put into it. Too many kids are concentrating their energies on relatively pointless things. Read an interview sometime back where this 14 yr old guy says he wont be seen with his friends if he is not wearing some kind of branded clothing. I fail to understand this. I remember how i was when i was 14. Meeting a friend basically meant, an excuse to wear some faded t-shirt and some worn pair of jeans.

Am i still living in the past ?? Is the rate at which change happens, faster than the rate at which i change ??

2006-06-16T01:48:00.000-07:00

Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song,
A medley of extemporanea,
And love is a thing that never go wrong,
And I am Marie of Romania.

-- Dorothy Parker
Not so deep as a well (1937)

My, new found, favourite selection of words.

2006-06-10T23:08:00.000-07:00

Havent done this in a while. Almost forgotten the feeling. That overwhelming feeling, when you are doing something and you just cant help yourself. This is not that feeling. I'm almost pushing myself to type some stuff. You want to stop typing and you just cant. You try and fail, then you try again only to fail again. Suddenly you are so tired, you stop trying. You dont really care whats going up in your blog anymore. Thats exactly whats happening here. I just wanted to type. No particular sequence of thoughts. No meaningful choice of words. Not necessarily coherent. Just type.

I'm bored. I can tell from past experience thats a very bad state of mind. Not 'cos I dont know what to do, but 'cos my imagination kicks in and I've all kinds of ideas. About a variety of things. Mostly questions. And I never spend more than few minutes contemplating the answer to those questions. Shit, thats scary. Shows a total lack of direction.

Bored is the wrong word. Restless is the right word. Or maybe not. I dont know and I dont think I really care anymore. So what if I dont know the right word. So what if I dont know what is running in my head. So what if I'm confused. Confusion is good, it always leads to clarity.

What is the worst thing that one can expect ?? I say its empathy. How, on gods green earth, can we possibly expect someone to actually understand whats running in our head ?? Of course not. Empathy - the word was invented out of purely selfish motives. A perfect word for someone who's life is so sad, there is nobody to listen to him.

"The aim of life is self development" - Oscar Wilde. What the hell does that mean ?? Development is an open ended word. Self development is way too open for interpretation to derive anything meaningful.

I just want to melt away into something abstract and finally not exist at all. I want to forget this mortal presence of mine. I dont want any trace of my existence - physical or otherwise. I want to exist in a metaphysical state. I dont want to have any form or substance. I want to be just a thought, a concept. Something that is not bound by constraints. Something that will allow any person to realise their full potential. I always thought 'Hope' was the most powerful and the most influential state that a mind can ever be possessed by. It can drive an individual beyond reason. Beyond rationale. Of late, i've been thinking what 'Imagination' is capable of.

"I am not young enough to know everything" - Mark Twain. Do you really understand what he meant ?? If you do, I'm sure you have got it right. Know why ?? The reason that line sounds so appealing is because it allows you to decide for yourself what he might have meant when he said that.

There is an undeniable beauty about imagination. Nobody is wrong, only less right. Anything that binds you, anything that compels you is bad for you. Pretty much everything you do should be a function of your own free will. Like right now, I'm compelled to type. And hence, all of this. Is it doing me a whole lot of good ?? I guess not. Is this going to come back to hurt me at some point in time ?? I dont know and I dont care.

So whats the point I'm trying to make with this post. Nothing. I've nothing to say. Go find your own truth and make your own mistakes. Where's the fun if someone else is going to do it for you ??

2006-06-01T11:34:00.000-07:00

My dreams feel real and reality feels like a dream

2006-05-29T13:16:00.000-07:00

Started searching for sampling techniques .... Found my way to assumptions with Linear regression models .... moved to extrapolation .... somehow ended up with credit risk modelling .... hmmm ......

So many questions ... so little time ...

2006-05-27T02:26:00.000-07:00

You perform a function and inverse it, does it always take you back to the original function. Lets quantify it a bit. You optimise a function by taking higher order differentials within limits and integrate the result within the same limits, will it take us back to the original function.

I think i'll stick some numbers in there to see how it actually works. Whats the use of a statistical or a quantitative model, if it doesnt do what its supposed to do.

Since i started on that, how does one effectively regression test a quant model ??

2006-04-30T02:54:00.000-07:00

"Able was I ere I saw Elba" - Napolean

To my knowledge, the only sentence which is a palindrome.

2006-04-19T01:20:00.000-07:00

Slim bodies, Long hair, Tight fitting clothes .... Good looking girl or Metrosexual guy.

Starting to wonder if "Virile" has lost all meaning.

2006-04-14T05:37:00.000-07:00

Why do people give a title to their post ? Narrows our perspective to start with.